I accept that I won't win any headline writing awards for the title of this piece, but really, for all those who want to complain about how busy Bali is these days, how bad the traffic is, how you can't swing a cat without hitting a drunk Australian in Kuta, how Ubud is under attack by Eat, Pray, Love yoga mat-wielding tourists... for God's sake, get out of there and make a side trip to Sidemen!

It's the simple things.

It's about an 80-minute drive from Sanur to get to Sidemen -- add on another 30 minutes if you're coming from Kuta (if you must go to Kuta, alright, I shall help you leave). What you'll find is a pretty little sprawling village, sprinkled with a decent range of places to stay, and more under construction while we were there (so perhaps the hordes are coming). Pretty much everywhere will have views overlooking yawning ampitheatres of terraced rice paddy.

Just another restaurant view.

You aren't exactly spoiled for choice when it comes to things to do in Sidemen, but this is the point. Put your feet up, enjoy a view of Gunung Agung punctured prettily by coconut palms, and skirted by frangipani trees, hibiscus bushes and blushing chilli plants.

Stunning Agung.

Read a book, have a swim if you're staying where we stayed (Uma Agung -- the only place we believe with a pool) and go for a wander. Our receptionist told us we could hire a guide for 60,000 rupiah per hour (no matter how many people in your group) and recommended a hike to a temple up on a nearby hill that takes around three to four hours return; you can also make a day trip to Besakih from here pretty easily.

One of the older verandas at Uma Agung.

While our hotel was at the pricey end of the spectrum, it was still definitely good value for money. For 450,000 rupiah per night ($60 during high season, we were warned) we had a spotless, spacious room that chilled deliciously from dusk onwards, making air-con unnecessary but one of the two comfy duvets provided essential.

We had a veranda with chairs directly overlooking the infinity-edge pool. If you're travelling with kids, be warned that there are quite a few steps here, though my 3.5 year old was okay to wander around with minimal supervision -- that is, I kept him within eyeshot at all times but didn't hover. The pool had a decent little shallow splash area that was perfect for him, though older kids intent on having fun may need to be carefully watched at the edge as the drop over the side is about three metres or so high.

Our room, top left. Ask for it by name: new room upstairs overlooking the pool.

The deckchairs were a little on the tired side, but the lush, obviously carefully maintained gardens were gorgeous. While WiFi is unavailable, internet access is available at the reception if you simply have to check in (and we got a reasonable 3G signal).

We found the restaurant a little on the slow and uninspired side, but a few other places lie within easy striking distance, so if we'd stayed longer than a night (sad face) we could have mixed things up a bit. Service was friendly and obliging.

Just another view from the street.

The road getting to Sidemen is a little underwhelming and quite potholed -- trucks ferrying sand from a nearby river can slow things down. You'll catch a few glimpses of prettiness but it really isn't beautiful until suddenly, you're there -- thinking about all those silly souls elsewhere.

Tags: Sidemen

You've got the fancy invitation and you just can't say no to this relative: you've got to head to Nusa Dua, Bali for the wedding even though you can barely afford the airfare. You won't find any budget rooms in Nusa Dua proper -- the sterile, manicured enclave specifically created for five-star resorts. But just up the road, a short cab ride away in what is strictly speaking Tanjung Benoa, or Cape Benoa, you will find Pondok Agung Homestay: a cheap, excellent hotel/guesthouse that will possibly having your less well-researched relatives wild with envy.
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Tags: homestay, Tanjung Benoa

Wedged midway between Bali's numero uno tourist pit Kuta and fashionista hub Seminyak, Legian beach occupies a somewhat comfortable middle ground -- slippery and sleazy one moment, old school beautiful the next.
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After examining what makes a good bathroom in Southeast Asia, for the second and final piece in this series I'm looking at, well, the rest of the shebang. And while the bathroom is especially easy to get totally wrong, crappy hoteliers are no slouches when it comes to the rest of the joint.

Simply bloody awful.

Let's start with a bit of light
Is it really that revolutionary a concept for the main light switch to be beside the door? I understand the economic logic, especially in cheaper guesthouses, of using one switch point for all the lighting, but for the love of Hyperion, put the combined switch near the front door. Placing it at the back of the room, behind the remaindered Ikea cupboard or, best of all, in the bathroom, is annoying to say the least.

Bedside lighting, while not essential, is a great asset. The switches should be beside each side of the bed -- not in the bathroom or over at the front door.

Yes, but where is the light switch?

Keeping it cool
Ceiling fans should be high enough that you don't lose a limb when you stretch. Desk fans should be cleaned at least once a decade. Air-con units should actually cool down the room, and bearing in mind that many guests will plan to use them to cool down the room for a solid night of sleep, they should be quiet enough to actually allow one to sleep.

The remote must have batteries.
The remote must be the correct remote for the room.
The remote must be able to actually operate the air-con unit in that room.

Bed & linen
The room is lit and cooling down, so let's take a look at the bed. Linen is not optional. Even the cheapest room should have at least a bottom-sheet. Likewise, pillow cases are essential.

Extra points for the Fido-adorned pillow covers.

Once a sheet becomes heavily stained, it needs to be replaced -- not just applied to the bed with the stain facing down. This is also absolutely the case when it comes to pillows.

White sheets will show blood stains quickly, semen stains less so. Dark sheets will hide quite a bit of blood before they need to be replaced, but semen will glow like neon. So it pays to know your guests and choose the sheet colour accordingly.

I've a soft spot for a hard mattress, but there's hard mattresses and there is concrete. Aim for the former. Likewise, if your mattresses are so soft they resemble water beds, install the real thing.

The area under the bed should be swept regularly. It doesn't need to be clean enough to eat breakfast off, but ideally it won't have someone else's breakfast on it.

Leaking roof
Do I even need to say this? The roof shouldn't leak. Blaming the roof leak on heavy rain isn't an appropriate response.

Vermin
I could write at length on this topic. Aside from the guests, no vermin should be in the room. I'll expand on this to say rats (especially those the size of beagles [Pakbeng]) and any type of field mouse [Chiang Mai], cats [Kep], dogs [all over the place but especially Pokhara], snakes [Jakarta], slugs [Sideman] and centipedes [Ko Tao] are all best kept outside the room rather than within it.

Not in the bedroom, please.

A special word on monkeys. While not officially vermin, having them trying to break into your rooftop room in Pushkar -- while you're in it in the throes of one too many bhang lassies -- is a far from satisfactory experience.

Lastly, stuffed animals -- the real kind -- [Lak Xao] don't belong in a guestroom. Ever.

Security
While it isn't the main reason, one of the reasons people opt to stay in hotels and guesthouses is because they are more secure (and yes, sometimes more comfortable) than sleeping on the street. Door locks should lock. Window locks should likewise lock.

Holes in walls are not desirable and should be patched, as should broken windows be fixed. Doors that are rotting off their hinges are not secure.

Some feel safest sleeping in the open.

Having a "no locks because we're all cool, peace-loving individuals" is perfect when your guesthouse is located on Fantasy Island.

Mosquito nets
Mosquito nets should be patched of any small holes (band-aids or nail polish works a treat) but once the holes are bigger they should be sewn up or replaced. Patching a net with black duck tape is retro but not in a good way.

The main issue with mosquito nets is that they burn fast. Now we all know that smoking in bed is stupid, but smoking in bed under a mosquito net is even dumber. There's no real solution other than encouraging guests not to smoke in the room.

The top of the net (where all the dead insects collect) should be emptied out regularly. Pulling a net down only to have a cockroach flick into one's face is memorable, but yet again, not in a good way -- especially if it isn't dead.

Likewise having the finely filtered dust of long-dead roaches pitter-patter onto your body as you sleep isn't going to get you great feedback on TripAdvisor.

TV
I'm not a big TV watcher, but if your primary clientele are English speakers, then it is a pretty good idea to have some English-language channels on the TV. If that is too difficult, make it simple and don't have TVs.

WiFi
I'll not go on about this as I have written at length previously on why WiFi should be free, but in essence, if you are going to offer WiFi, it should be free, easily used and reliable. Having a situation where you need to drag out the manager to generate you a random code on his shiny iPad to use the WiFi is, quite simply, ridiculous. And, CVF65shyUT7 isn't an easy password to remember.

What's a man gotta do to get a signal around here?

Swimming pool
I used to scoff at swimming pools -- who needs a pool when there's an entire ocean right there? But now, with two young children in tow, I get it.

It is preferable if rat poison and other vermin traps are not within immediate eyesight of the pool.

Swim anyone?

Likewise plug-in adaptors and extension cords are best not left laying around the pool area.

The pool should be of a size big enough to swim in. If it is no longer than two adults laying head to toe, it isn't a pool, it's a big outdoor bath.

We suspect this crew has gone to bed, not to the bathroom.

If you encourage people to drink beer -- all day -- in the pool, then it needs to be doubly big as, well, they'll never get out to pee.

Restaurant
Very simple: make your own menu, and get it subbed by a guest -- and less is more.

I don't care if all it lists is 1) bread 2) gruel -- that's better than:

stir-fried greens with pork
stir-fried greens with chicken
stir-fried greens with beef
stir-fried greens with fish
stir-fried greens with prawn
stir-fried greens with vegetables

deep-fried greens with pork
deep-fried greens with chicken
deep-fried greens with beef
deep-fried greens with fish
deep-fried greens with prawn
deep-fried greens with vegetables

Repeat for at least 12 pages, and remember all dishes should cost the same.

Glasses should have been cleaned. If dogs are allowed to lick the plates, it shouldn't happen in sight of the guests. Big bottles of beer come with a glass -- not a straw.

Never serve food in a coconut.

Change your oil at least monthly.

Most importantly, MAKE REAL FOOD. Spice it as it should be and wait for guests to ask to tone it down rather than the other way around.

Guests
The crazies need to be hidden. Give them the bungalow well away from the others. The gigolo that offers every female guest a "ride in his hammock" should be placed somewhere back around the cowshed. Those with young kids ideally alongside others with the same burdens ... ahhh I mean bundles of joy.

If there is a guest passed out in the stairwell, it's not appropriate to ask another potential guest to step over them while leading them off to see a room.

In conclusion
Even the crappiest places can have redeeming values. The guesthouse in Pakbeng with the beagle-sized rats cooked a fabulous potato curry. The hotel that had me step over a passed out guest to show me a room had an excellent central location in downtown Bangkok. The staff at the Ko Pha Ngan guesthouse with the gigolo hammock dude showed me a walking track to a beach I'd never heard of.

Just like falling into an open toilet in Mahabalipuram then needing to walk through the restaurant, covered in, well, shit, as much as it is unpleasant at the time, it makes for great stories later on.

At the end of the day, the room doesn't matter, right?

It all comes out in the wash (sometimes literally), and sometimes the head-scratching things (like the dildo toilet roll holder) are what stay with you -- memorable for the wrong reasons but in the right kind of way.

Good travels.

In the last almost seven years of running Travelfish.org I've personally reviewed more than 2,500 places to stay in Southeast Asia. Sure some have been flasher joints, but the vast majority have been at the budget end of the scale — the sort of place you'd most likely get some change from a crisp $20 note. And while today I'm more likely to be looking for change out of a crisp $50 than a $20, I've also done more than my fair share of buck-a-night flop-houses.

The rest of the house blew away in a storm

With this in mind, over the next few days I'm going to detail what I think makes the ideal room. Today we'll be starting with the section that is never, ever perfect: the bathroom.

The toilet
Every bathroom should come with a roll of toilet paper and it should be in the bathroom -- not handed over at reception, and ideally on some kind of dispenser that doesn't look like a dildo. Invariably the shower will wet the toilet paper, so it needs a cover, though not one that only allows you to pull out one sheet at a time.

Every good bathroom has a well-placed dildo toilet paper holder.

Tissues are not the same thing as toilet paper. Again, in case you weren't listening, dear guesthouse owner: tissues are not the same as toilet paper.

While the toilet doesn't need enough power to flush away a small dog, it should have enough power to flush away, well, what needs to be flushed away. Putting a brick in the cistern to reduce your waterbill will result in a corresponding rise in your bill for eels to clear blocked drains. The toilet roll should be within reaching distance of the toilet without needing to stand up and waddle across the room.

Dead plants always add to the atmosphere.

If the bathroom has a squat toilet, there should be a bucket and a tap beside the toilet to fill it. The bucket MUST have a ladle. Bum guns are pretty standard in Asian toilets, but they sometimes appear to have been confused with stun guns. The pressure required to remove poo from one's bottom is considerably less than that required to remove barnacles from the base of an ocean-going vessel -- adjust accordingly. If you're hankering for more information, here's a video tutorial on how to use a bum gun.

The shower
I'm not going to get into the "shower sprays onto the toilet" issue, as that's a structural issue beyond the scope of this post, but if you're lucky enough to be designing your own guesthouse, make sure the shower doesn't hose onto the toilet seat.

If the shower has hot water, it is generally expected that red means hot water and blue cold -- not the other way around.

I see no pressing reason to affix the showerhead to the wall

The shower head should be cleaned on a regular enough basis that the water flows out of it evenly. Calcification is the enemy. The number of the times I've been sprayed in the eye by a dodgy shower head is a very big number. A shower with the shower head removed (ie a metal hose) is not acceptable.

Drain tops should be easy to remove in order to clear out stray dreads, pubic hairs and god knows what else. Drains are not optional and ideally will be placed within a couple of feet of where you stand for a shower.

The bath
You either do a bath properly, or not at all. It takes very little time for a tub to look like it has been used to wash Rover in. It should take less than an hour to fill the bath and there should be sufficient hot water to do so.

The basin
The basin should drain into a pipe that is actually connected to something that takes the water out of the bathroom. Basins that empty straight onto the floor are disgusting. I mean, why even bother with a bleeding basin — just fit a hose if that's how you want to do it. Ideally basins should have plugs, though you'll need to use the chained variety as otherwise people like me will steal them.

One basin, one chicken basket, one flexi shower and a red door.

Electrics
The light switch for the bathroom should be either immediately outside or inside the bathroom door. Having a bathroom light switch beside the bedside table by the veranda door is impractical (I'm talking to you Conrad Hotel Nusa Dua!). Wiring should be safe. I stayed in one room in Tam Dao where the staff showed us how we needed to turn the bathroom light on: with a piece of wood, as otherwise we'd risk electrocution — this is not a feature.

The extras
A mirror is close to essential and somewhere to stick toothbrushes, deodorant and so on is desirable, but not essential as the edge of the basin or top of the toilet will suffice.

If you pull the screw out of the wall the world ends.

There should be hooks for clothes and a railing for towels — both should be out of range of the shower.

Ideally the floor will bevel towards the drain. This dramatically assists in the draining of water. Last request for the bathroom is a bin, furnished with a plastic bag. You need the plastic bag (again some people, like me, will steal the bag) so that the bucket/bin remains unfesty.

A view
The best loos are loos with views.

One of the best loo views in Bali.

Read part 2: Everything else.

Canggu is a beach and ricefield area out to the northwest of Seminyak. It's famous for three things: the surf, the ricefield views and the private villa rentals. Given private villas in Canggu generally fall outside the reaches of the meagre Travelfish.org budget, we just spent a weekend traipsing around looking at everything from cheap homestays and surf camps through to luxury hotels and here's our brief guide to Canggu.

Sunset on Nelayan, Canggu. Note to self: hold camera straight while being blinded by sun.

Orientation
While we refer to this whole swathe of Bali as Canggu, that's not really accurate. It's actually a series of villages, each with their own beaches. The main throughfare is the roughly east-west running Jalan Raya Canggu which lies parallel to the beach, but around 4-5 km inland from it. From east to west, running down from Raya Canggu to the beach, are Jalan Pantai Berawa, Jalan Raya Baru Bolong, Jalan Padang Linjong (which morphs into Batu Mejan) and Jalan Raya Pantai Pererenan.

Running along the ridge tops of valleys filled with paddy, these roads are not well interconnected and, while there are some back ways for short hops (eg Nelayan to Berawa), it is quicker to walk down to the beach. The most important back way we found connects Batu Bolong and Berawa running from a block north of Cafe Canggu across to near where Deus is. There's another good one (bike only) from near Desa Seni that cuts through to Kelecung in Umalas, and lastly there is a goat track that becomes a trail, sort of, midway along Pererenan, which links back to Padang Linjong (absolutely bike only).

Big skies, big holes: back roads in Canggu.

What is a good hotel in Canggu?
The vast majority of accommodation in Canggu comes in the form of private luxury villas, which we as a rule don't cover due in general to their expense. So for homestays and hotels in Canggu, here is where really stood out for us.

For budget travellers, your options are quite limited. Puri Rama on Berawa is outstanding flashpacker value, with Canggu Mart Homestay coming a close second. If those two are going to break the bank, consider either the spartan Jepun Bali Homestay or Serenity Villa — the latter has cheapish rooms with shared facilities. If these are still too costly, commute in from Legian/Kuta.

For a comfortable mid-range hotel in Canggu, Ecosfera is pretty good — it's a slightly more expensive hotel than the nearby Echoland, but we think worth the extra money.

Batu Bolong Beach ... there be dragons in them waters.

For deluxe hotels in Canggu, Hotel Tugu Bali is where it's at, but at this priceline you're straying into smaller villa territory, so shop around and see what you can find. There are a gazillion villas to choose from, and Agoda has a pretty good selection of villas in Canggu to use as a starting point.

Lastly, for keen surfers there are a smattering of surfer camps in Canggu. The Chillhouse is the best known but we also spied Andy Surf Villa out in Pererenan, which looked promising, but we couldn't find anyone to show us around.

Where to eat in Canggu?
Echo Beach has the biggest concentration of Western-style eateries and bars. Echo Beach House and well-off-the-beach Deus stand out but you're still only talking of a half dozen or so places to choose from. Om at Batu Bolong is excellent and Berawa has Cafe Canggu, plus Sukertis, down behind the Legong Keraton, but the latter was closed the entire time we were in Canggu — have heard good things about it though. There's a scattering of warungs, but don't hit Canggu expecting the rich food scene of Seminyak.

Beach views from Om at Batu Bolong.

Likewise the, ummm, nightlife is pretty limited. Don't expect Seminyak and Legian-style beach bars. At each beach head, there's generally a small warung (that is, a woman with an esky) who sells cold drinks (that is, beer) through the day into the early evening, but otherwise you'll need to pack all your wild and crazy selves over to Echo Beach House et al.

What is a good beach in Canggu?
While each of the beaches has its own name, they're really all just a continuation of the same strip of sand broken up by small rivers. Our favourite was Berawa, as you're within walking distance of a couple of beach bars towards Batu Belig, there's lots of beach and the waters were good and unthreatening for swimming.

3: Don't shooting on the bridge (Specially for business activities)

For surfing in Canggu, Echo beach was the most crowded/popular and if you like a beach scene with lots of places to eat and drink, then this is probably your best bet. Note though that there is a lot of construction going on around here.

Further afield, we really liked Pererenan beach, both for its deserted vibe and the pretty crescent of sand just to the north — it looked to be safe enough for the kids to have a wade, though as with all Bali's surf beaches, you'd still want to keep a close eye on them.

Grommets at Pererenan

Lastly, Nelayan beach was interesting for the still-active fishing fleet (if a dozen or so jukungs count as a fleet), and with a shallow drop-off again is probably okay for families with kids.

Public transport
For all intents and purposes you'll be needing your own transport. If you don't have transport, you're going to be very limited in where you'll be able to go, so choose your hotel or villa carefully. You will not see passing taxis looking for a fare. We did all our traipsing around by motorbike, but save a couple of the backroads, all is also traversable by hire car.

Seminyak or Canggu?
Canggu and Seminyak don't look all that far apart on the map, but it's a bugger of a ride on poorly surfaced, badly rutted roads and not one that you want to be doing after perhaps a martini too many at Naughty Nuri's in Batu Belig. If you're thinking of staying in Canggu and commuting into Seminyak most nights for eating out, we'd say reconsider, or stay no further out than Berawa — the drive gets old, fast.

Nuri's is a rough ride away

If on the other hand, you're looking for a slow stay away from the hectic mess that Seminyak is, then Canggu could be just what you're looking for. There's enough of a mix of fancy eateries through to warungs to keep most happy and the beaches, while not as beautiful as the beaches on Bali's Bukit peninsula, are nevertheless pretty enough and quite clean.

How long to stay in Canggu?
Most people we talked to were there for the surf and were staying between four and ten days. If you're not a keen surfer and want to see a fair spread of Bali, then three or four days should be sufficient for a first time visitor.

Forecast: Sunny with an occasional shower of villas.

Must sees in Canggu
Pererenan ricefields: Take a ride along the northern end of Jalan Pantai Pererenan in the late afternoon. Stunningly beautiful paddy scenery.
Sunset drinks: Head to Warung Agung Kayu Putih on the beach (walk south from Berawa Beach) for a sundowner. Just remember no shooting (even if business-related) on their suspension bridge.
Coffee at Deus: We were underwhelmed by the breakfasts here (lunch is a better bet), but the coffee is fabulous, so chug a few down then take a look at some of the expensive toys on offer.
Lunch at Om: Slot in a few hours in the afternoon for a slow-grazing meal at this well-appointed seaside restaurant on Batu Bolong. Order the small size so you can try more dishes.
Sunset at Nelayan: Catch the late afternoon light on the jukungs pulled ashore by the fishermen's huts. Lovely for sunset pics.

Yes to fishing boats, no to villas. Rinse and repeat.

With its god-awful footpaths, sorta-upscale boutiques, trendy restaurants and sophisticated beachside bars, Seminyak may not be the sort of place you'd think of as being terribly family-friendly. And well, on those fronts, perhaps it's not.

Waiter, there's a leaf in my pool!

But there's a great little hotel tucked behind Jalan Laksmana/Oberoi/Eat Street that actually makes this corner of Seminyak very accessible -- and it's rather well priced, too.

Mutiara Bali Resort isn't a hip offering by any means, but it's quite stylish without being poised to win any design awards. It has about 30 fairly spacious motel-style rooms in three double-storey complexes surrounding a large pale-blue pool. There are also nearly 20 villas in a separate area in the complex, but for what you'd pay for them we'd suggest going upmarket elsewhere in the Yak.

Our US$75 room had twin beds pushed together to form a spacious double (that slept four of us -- otherwise it would have been an extra $25 for an additional bed), large flat-screen TV with loads of international channels, a small desk/dresser, large storage space, large balcony with three chairs (not suited for climbing-prone kids, though our two- and four-year-old were fine with supervision) and a dinky shower (no tub) set under an odd sort of skylight that was somehow reminiscent of school camp circa 1984. Toiletries were supplied, along with a bar fridge boasting modest drink selections. The bed linen was fresh and clean, the lamps worked and cast just -- just -- enough light to read by. Lots of boxes ticked right there.*

As well, the free WiFi actually worked: in the rooms, on the verandas, and even poolside, which is a lot more than many $300 per night places in Bali can offer guests. You can also rent a bike gratis too -- though you can imagine which activity may be more popular among guests.

Charles donned hat and glasses and sat in the pool.

Staff were friendly and obliging -- another surprise for Seminyak hotels, come to think of it --  and the expansive pool had a good shallow area for the kids, though our two-year-old only just managed to keep his lips above the water. It stretches down to a deep end with a jacuzzi for the frolicking adults, and is partly shaded by frangipani trees that have an endearing habit of dropping their fragrant flowers into the pool (though there's not too much shade in the middle of the day).

Our breakfast included a range of generously-portioned selections, from pancakes through to noodles and English breakfasts, with juice or a fruit plate plus drip coffee or tea, in an open-air and modern restaurant that lacked any sort of view but served its purpose well enough.

Aside from being very comfortable digs, Mutiara is just a five- to 10-minute walk away from a stretch of yummy restaurants on Laksmana, such as Cafe Bali, Press Ban Cafe and Zuitton. Or, walking in the other direction, it will take five minutes to get to Grocer and Grind (pick up a menu on the first day of your holiday and get their scrumptious sambos and salads delivered throughout your stay).

Word of warning: We found the pool area remained sedate and quiet, but if by chance a group was staying at the hotel and wanted to party by the pool at night, it might get a tad noisy. On the other hand, we suspect the staff might move people to bed if they were causing too much of a scene.

Mutiara Bali
Jalan Braban 77
T: (0361) 734 966
F: (0361) 735 375
http://www.mutiarabali.com/
Book online with Booking.com
More hotels in Seminyak reviewed on Travelfish.org

* If you're new to Travelfish.org, you may assume the above is advertorial twaddle. It isn't. We pay our own way, every single time and have done so since Travelfish.org kicked off back in 2004. Travelfish.org writers do not take freebies. Ever.

PS Sorry about no other pics. I forgot to take them

So what do you do when you've got two friends and their two under-threes visiting Bali for a couple of weeks? Well, one option is to put your own two under-fives in the car and meet up with them to share a beachfront house for a few days. And so that's how we found ourselves at Life in Amed*, a family-friendly beach hideaway in Lean village, Amed, east Bali.

Don't forget your sunnies

Life in Amed has perched right on the beach for around six years now, running under the tutelage of Englishwoman Sarah and a gang of friendly Balinese staff. It boasts a half dozen cottage-style rooms along with two larger beachside "villas" and, the newest addition, a magnificent three-bedroom house that is, as we found out, perfectly ideal for two or three families with children. There's also a moderately-sized free-form swimming pool, a large lawn area, lovingly tended gardens and a compact restaurant back towards the main road.

Plastic bags make good sails

Of course there's the beach out front — as with most of the beaches in north Bali, this is a jet black sand affair — and during the day much of it is given over to the dozens of jukungs resting after an early morning of fishing.

The house is the one with the darker brown roof -- see it?!

It's easy enough to wander between them though and straight offshore you're got some quite good snorkelling, with ample stretches of coral teeming with fish — the further offshore you go the better.

Attack of the dreaded Amedian beach monster

But more on the snorkelling later, let's get back to the accommodation.

The house, or to be accurate the "Perfumed Garden Beach House", has been modelled to an extent on a Javanese joglo, with two ground floor bedrooms (each with open-air en suite and a terrace veranda), separated by a broad common area that overlooks the lawn area to the beach (and will eventually hold a small kitchen at rear). Upstairs is the master bedroom, with its own en suite and veranda. When you're booking this for you and your friends, don't even bother drawing straws for who gets the upstairs bedroom, just grab it!

Just another bamboo shack on the beach

The house is cement and brick with a spirallingly tall alang alang roof that means only the most air-con addicted (for example our Bangkokian travel partners) will even need to turn it on. Come the evenings, just swing open the balcony doors and let the tall ceilings and sea breeze cool you down instead.

The local parking lot

After the initial "Holy cow it's big" upon arrival, the first thing we noticed was the tiling throughout. Soft and cool under foot, Sarah told us she picked the motif and colours herself. (She confessed: "I'm a bit mad about colour.") The tiles were fired at a local tilers in Sideman, in central Bali. From the common area to the stairs leading upstairs into the master en suite, from earthern hues to warm reds and purple details, the results are enchanting.

Million-dollar shower view

Doors and windows are finished with wooden Balinese and Javanese accents — the doors into the two downstairs bedrooms are actually windows from a large old house. Much is antique, secondhand or from refurbished teak, procured after many, many trips to the myriad furniture shops in Kerobokan.

And then I got all arty

There's precious few modcons, with no TVs and the internet is, well, a bit patchy, but this is fairly remote in Amed and it did work most of the time. Yes, there's air-con and also a kettle (it gave one of our crew a nasty shock, truth be known, so do be careful) with coffee and tea-making facilities, as well as a large fridge that was stocked with soft drinks, but oddly not refilled during our stay.

But these were very minor blemishes on what we found to be a thoroughly enjoyable place to call home for a few days. (Sarah, please pass us the house plans to build our own place?!)

Perfect for bonking, I mean leisurely reads

Crisp linen with fluffed pillows and over-sized mattresses stand high off the floor. Ample chairs and benches adorned with all manner of side pillows beckon (to those not travelling with four under-fives, obviously). The view from the open-air bathrooms back up the mountain valley behind the resort are spectacular, and out the other direction, glorious sunrises wake you with Lombok in the distance. The daily migration of the jukungs, all asail, will wake you just before dawn, but they're a spectacular site if you get out of bed to have a look under moonlight.

With a large lawn area out front (a swimming pool is planned for the future) there's ample space for the kids to go mad. They were equally comfortable playing on the terraces or just lazing around. There's more than enough space to go around.

Sleeping wise, each of the bedrooms would comfortably fit a baby cot or another mattress so the house would easily fit three families with kids. As we had just the two families, we had more space than we knew what to do with.

Curvacious

Life in Amed has a half dozen more regular sized bungalows in the main grounds along with the swimming pool. These are quite cute affairs with a double bed downstairs and two single beds in a loft above the terrace veranda. Bathrooms are immaculate, spacious and well designed. If we were to return here without friends to share the costs, we'd opt for one of these rooms as the kids would be fine upstairs (as long as the stairs were blocked off during the night).

It's also in this area you'll find the two smaller villas, which, we'd have to say are a bit ill conceived as they're a bit cramped and hog the beachfront area. Consider them a practice run for the main house — they nailed it second time around

Jukungs or junkungs?

When we were actually able to drag ourselves away from the house, our main activity was snorkelling. We tried it both straight offshore and also took two jukung trips — once east to the Japanese wreck and once west to the coral garden at Jemeluk. Both of these can be easily driven to as well — we just took a boat trip for the hell of it. We also grabbed another jukung for just a half hour float around for the kids and they loved it. (Note you won't find kid-sized life jackets in Amed, and expect to be charged more if you want an adult one).

Life In Amed has a compact restaurant out near the road and we ate the majority of our meals here. The offerings are a typical mix of Western and Balinese offerings, along with a small children's menu, with nutella jaffles! Breakfast (included in the room price) kept everyone happy, except the single person in our group who loves his big English breakfasts.

Dangly thing beats swipe card on the taste-o-meter

The good things in life often don't come cheap and the same holds for Life in Amed. You're paying a premium here for a lovingly designed and implemented resort. The beach cottages are US$65 in low season, $85 in high, the smaller villas are $120/$140 in low/high season and the Perfumed Garden Beach House is a substantial $290/$350 per night. Before you choke on the price of the larger house, bear in mind it comfortably sleeps three families, so if you're looking for a hideaway with some friends, we'd class it as great value. Of the other offerings, the smaller villas are actually the worst value, and we'd say if you're travelling alone the beach cottages are the way to go, but if you can rustle up a crowd, the Perfumed Garden Beach House smells pretty sweet.

Life in Amed
Lean village, Bunutan
T: (0363) 23 152
http://www.lifebali.com/

* If you're new to Travelfish.org, you may assume the above is advertorial twaddle. It isn't. We pay our own way, every single time and have done so since Travelfish.org kicked off back in 2004. Travelfish.org writers do not take freebies. Ever.

The area commonly referred to as Amed is actually a series of villages and bays running along the northeast coast of Bali. Known for black sand beaches, calm waters, fine snorkelling and impressive scenery, Amed forms a low-key counterpoint to the bustling yellow sand surf beaches of southern Bali. With over a half dozen beaches to choose from and plenty of places to stay, first-time visitors can find the selection a little daunting, so here are some pointers and our pick of the bunch.

Scenery inland from Amed, Bali

First, let's get orientated. The name Amed is actually that of first village (when approaching from the west). It is followed by the villages of Jemeluk, Bunutan, Pupuan, Lipah, Lean, Selang, Banyuning and Aas. Some of these villages have multiple beaches, others share the same beach, but for the casual visitor little differentiates one village from another. Jemeluk, Bunutan and Lipah are the three most popular areas, Amed is the cheapest and Aas is the least developed (and, located to the far east, the most remote).

The best snorkelling is at Banyuning and Selang while Amed is the worst, closely followed by Bunutan. Banyuning is also home to the Japanese shipwreck, while on a recent visit we saw dolphins offshore from Selang.

Typical Amed beach scenes

All the bays are home to active fishing villages, so expect to share your strip of sand with a fair portion of the fishing fleet. There is ample opportunity to do a dawn boat trip on a fishing boat should you be so inclined. While some of the resorts clean the beach out front, some flotsam on the beach remains — especially in the off season.

The Amed backdrop from a fishing jukung

Amed isn't famed for its culinary scene and with good reason. You'll find ample and very affordable seafood but actual seaside restaurants are inexplicably rare (there are a couple in Amed and Jemeluk but precious few after that), and, assuming you don't have your own transport, you'll end up doing a fair bit of eating in whichever bay you choose to lodge at. There are a few standouts: Sails, Shanti and Kemulan Warung spring to mind, but there are some truly awful places as well — we recently scored a ball of deep-fried human hair in a plate of calamari.

Cheap places to stay around Amed
If you're on a budget and, especially if you do have your own wheels, the first village, Amed, is difficult to beat. Kadek Homestay offers tremendous value and some good value warungs are also clustered nearby. On the downside, the snorkelling here is mediocre at best. Your second option is to strike east to Good Karma (on Selang) or Eka Purnama (Banyuning). Both of these have rooms for under 150,000 rupiah per night. While the more central beaches have affordable offerings as well, they tend not to be as good value unless you're after air-con.

Flashpacker bungalows around Amed
If you're at the cheaper end of the flashpacker scale, Nana Homestay and Lily Amed (both in Amed village) are quite good value deals, but if you're willing to spend a little more you'll be able to get into the more central beach of Jemeluk. This beach has a broader choice of places to eat and better snorkelling. The picks of the bunch here are Geria Giri Shanti Bungalows, Villa Coral and Galang Kangin but there are quite a few other places to choose from. If you're looking for something more rustic and remote, Meditasi, way east at Aas, is what you're looking for.

Bungalows at Hotel Santai, Amed, Bali

Midrange family hotels at Amed
Amed has a good selection of family lodgings, much of it centred around Bunutan, and our pick would start with the Anda Amed. While it is off the beach, it's got a small but lovely horizon pool and the family rooms are both spacious and very well designed. Extra points for especially obliging staff. If you'd like something in a more Indonesian flavour, then the Santai Hotel is right on the beach and has a larger pool than the Anda Amed. Staff here also very generously hosed the vomit out of a baby seat when we arrived! If your kids need a quarter acre to tire themselves out at, then Arya Amed has some great deals on family-style accommodation set within a spacious lawn garden. Lastly, Life in Amed has beautiful gardens and gets rave reviews as a family getaway.

High-end hotels in Amed
If you'd like to spend a bit more, the resort scene in Amed was kicked off with Jepun Villas. This is an allround very classy operation, but it would want to be at these prices, especially given the long and steep climb down to the beach. Brand spanking new at Selang, in the so-newly-opened-they-didn't-have-uniforms-when-we-visited class, the Palm Garden Resort is beachside luxury in Amed. Their massive beachfront villas have very high rates, but we'd expect you to be able to get significant discounts with not too much effort.

Selang with the Palm Garden Resort in foreground

Getting discounts in Amed
Amed has a very specific high season. In June, July and August approximately three quarters of the breathing population of Marseille, Nice and Bordeaux descend upon Amed and the rates jump accordingly. At any other time of the year, all rates should be considered highly negotiable. During a recent visit in April 2011, we had an outrageously priced US$130 room offered to us for 300,000 rupiah (just over $30), including breakfast and tax, without even pressing too hard for a discount. The best places won't always budge on price, but if you're heading here in shoulder or especially low season, check online for competitive rates for Amed and/or pick up the phone and make a few calls — you'll be surprised just how much you'll be able to slice off.

That said, in high season don't expect any discounts at all and don't be surprised if your first couple of choices are full.

Amed viewpoint

How long to spend in Amed?
We've visited here a few times for a slow weekend — arrive Friday afternoon and leave Sunday evening — and we always leave thinking an extra day or two would have been good. If you've got the time, and especially if you enjoy snorkelling, allow at least four days as at least a few bays are worth trying out.

We arrive in Ubud after dark with a sleeping Mr 2 and overtired Ms 4 in tow, and the long walk down a narrow footpath between mossy high walls doesn't inspire confidence in the place we have booked to stay at for the weekend.

Ubud Lestari, a great family friendly hotel on Monkey Forest Road, Ubud

As we enter Ubud Lestari, Mr Travelfish, who poked his head in before retrieving us, says that he has in fact only agreed to take the one night. Oh, bugger, I think, it must indeed be crappy.

The first room we pass looks dimly lit and a bit scruffy in the dark; we walk through another gate and are suddenly looking at a stretch of stunning paddy, spiky seedlings struggling up from the mud. Then we're at the verandah of our room, the bottom of a duplex, and I turn to Mr Travelfish and tell him he must be joking, right?

The place is unexpectedly wonderful. The spotless tiled room is large, with twins beds which the staff immediately push together for us, creating a plus-size king. Our windows look directly onto the paddy in one direction, and out the front through lush plants and a fence onto the pool (and the Roman blinds actually work). The white bathtub is huge (slide! Mr 2 says when he sees the angled back of it), there's a separate rain shower, a massive walk-in wardrobe has loads of space (and a safe) and an L-shaped, black and white checked daybed reminds us of when we used to spend holidays laying around reading.

A minibar under a desk is stocked with beer, softdrinks and water, and our verandah out the front has a table and two chairs. Three wooden ducks (toys too!) clustered in a corner get ridden by our kids' dolls and eventually will be rescued from the bathtub.

No TV intrudes, which is a bonus. Free WiFi is however included and easily connected to, while a decent enough breakfast is also included. We skip it the first day, but order it (available from 07:00) the next, having a white-bread jaffle with tomato and plastic-style cheese, over-scrambled eggs with white toast and a very good fruit plate of melon, papaya, banana, watermelon and pineapple. The coffee is Bali (cowboy) style.

The view across the pool from Ubud Lestari, Ubud

The infinity pool looking onto the paddy is a decent size, with one end a small wading area great for kids (Mr 2 could just stand with his mouth above the water.) Four deckchairs seem to be adequate for the traffic from the handful of rooms.

Staff are really friendly and it turns out the bungalow we are in is just five months old – though I wouldn't have been surprised if they'd said we were the first people to stay in it (other rooms are more than five years). There's a Japanese part-owner, which shines through in the lovely aesthetic to the place – it's minimalist, with simple clean lines. As far as the things we now look for in a getaway place, except for the lack of a big fluffy doona (linen bright white but that blanket-between-sheet thing is going on), this place was just as good as a four-star resort (bonus: the light switches all made sense).

And one of the best reasons to stay here? The walk may seem long down that alley, but it leads directly onto Monkey Forest Road in central Ubud, so you're right in the thick of things. Laughing Buddha Bar is right on the corner, with Art Cafe and Three Monkeys just two of the lovely cafes within swinging cat distance.

The room was 600,000 rupiah per night for two nights (we were originally quoted 700,000, but negotiated it down for the two nights - you could bargain it down another 100,000 if business was slow and you're more determined than we were).

Highly recommended.

Ubud Lestari
Monkey Forest Rd.
T: (0361) 972 797
http://www.ubud-lestari.com/ (in Japanese only)
Ubud Lestari review on Travelfish.org
More hotels still? Try Agoda on Ubud.