When we pulled into the main road entrance to the Waka Shorea in north Bali, we thought we'd pulled into the wrong driveway.

Anyone home?

But we pushed on. And still, we weren't quite sure if we were supposed to be here.

We hope the rain holds off.

A staff member however did emerge, directed us to park our car in an overgrown car space, and helped us manoeuvre our luggage and two children down and through a larger expanse of dilapidated-ness. Yikes, we thought. Also: crap, we've paid in advance.

The drama builds.

We eventually stopped, however, at one of the piers used by boats to get to northern Bali's stunning Menjangan Island, with a charming wooden vessel waiting to whisk us away. As we puttered out, the mainland's majestic mountains coming into distant view, our hopes started to rise. Maybe we hadn't done our dough!

Less than 15 minutes later we pulled into another pier with two tattered orange penjors arcing over its fading beauty. Helped ashore, again by very attentive staff, we took a seat at an ageing picnic table, sipped on a welcome drink, and were warned during a welcome spiel about the animals we were likely to see around the resort's grounds: wild pigs, deer and monkeys, for starters. "Yeah, right," I thought. "As if."

Dangling light. Worse than a dangling participle?

We trudged along a slightly crumbling path, past dangling lightbulbs, shrubby undergrowth that put in mind a murder mystery and a stinky rubble-strewn water/septic tank thing, and were delivered to our air-con wooden bungalow, one of 16 or so on the resort's spacious -- and national park -- grounds. Yet two generators keep electricity surging through the resort -- I mentioned it was in national park, right? -- night and day.

And it would have been beautiful, around a decade or so ago when the resort opened. The mixture of wood and Sidemen-style tiles was luxurious underfoot, the decor calming, and the silence (when not interrupted by the 14 dirt bikers who roared through the centre of the resort) -- well, it sort of flitted between expectant, menacing and relaxing.

Evel Knievel x 14.

We did have some safety concerns regarding our two kids five and under playing on the deck. We think perhaps the balconies originally had sea views, but they've allowed the trees to grow back. Or haven't had the means to keep them trimmed down (the Waka's own website talks about seeing the sun on the bay from them... um, no).

Three year olds, blind people, people in pantihose and drunks, beware.

The bathroom was particularly pretty, with a run-away-to-the-circus colour scheme in the tiles. Neat little blinds lifted up to rest on wooden hooks to let light in; but the lower walls had peeling paint and the shower drain quickly, though not catastrophically, clogged up.

Slightly scratched basin, slightly peeling paint, slightly blocked drain.

The air-con was chilled, the hot water worked; the minibar was well stocked; it was peacefully, blissfully still. We felt like bulldozers were about to arrive any second to knock it all down and start over.

Staggered for privacy.

The beachside restaurant (set beside an apparently abandoned beach bar) in theory had limited hours for meals, but in practice, the half dozen or other people in our little Cluedo-esque getaway ordered at any time we liked. The menu was heavier on Western food than Indonesian (or Balinese) and I dare say the pasta sauce was out of a bottle... but the serving sizes generous, the cinnamon toast yummy, and the Bali kopi (coffee served cowboy style) was very drinkable.

Hand-cut chips and ... something very sweet and very saucy.

The pool, set in front of a sort-of abandoned two-storey building that staff described to us as "a big building", had likely not had a good scrub for some time. On our second day we noticed it was chock-full of water boatmen -- we found out what they were during a moment when the WiFi we were promised actually worked. The critters were harmless -- interestingly though they like to feed on algae -- but there was still something about easing into bug-filled waters that led us to get an early boat home.

It's not a slippery dip... or was it?

But that was after I rested a while on one of the wooden deckchairs surrounding the pool. I stretched back to put my arm behind my head and the back of the chair broke and collapsed under me -- quite entertaining for the kids.

Do water boatmen eat deck chairs?

But hey, this was a beach break, right? And the snorkelling, while not as good by any stretch as Menjangan across the way (from the resort, a very steep US$160 for four people... we passed this time), was more than enough to entertain a five-year-old first-time snorkeller.

Plenty of elbow room.

And we saved the rather generously sized bread basket from breakfast for a little fish feeding from the pier, the end of which gradually descends into the water, making it a great spot to get close to the water (and get in for snorkelling). We spotted some very intriguing fish that looked like drifting seaweed, as well as a squid.

Yeah, fish, but where's Nemo?

We did explore the library, which had a few books, and a jar of pickled -- preserved? -- endangered Bali starlings. We asked a staff member why the birds were in a jar. "They were already dead." Okay.

A specimen of the endangered Bali starling. Also, books.

One of us (not me) took a mountain bike ride with a guide -- for $30, the two-hour ride was pricey, but you're a captive market and you're not permitted to venture into the park alone. It was an interesting ride through geography quite different from the rest of Bali, with a highlight being an enormous cage built as a part of a Bali starling preservation project. It wouldn't have looked out of place on the set of Lost.

And the animals did show up. Startled barking deer, who disappointingly didn't bark (though they do swim to Menjangan, we were told); a few wild pigs, hanging around the staff room where the staff who had told us to make sure we didn't feed the animals were feeding the animals; and a gang of six large black monkeys. They were just hanging out, eating fruit from the trees and doing monkey stuff.

One of the gang.

In the name of research, I tried the open-air spa -- let it be known that 19:30 is precisely the time the area's largest mosquitoes come out to feast on any flesh they can find.

Now I've stayed in my share of dumps and have low expectations when I'm being charged next to nothing for a room. But our room was US$120 per night, plus $42 for an extra bed, per night. By Bali standards, that should get you something pretty swish -- it's on a par for instance with La Joya. Let's be clear: the location was stunning, the quiet amazing and the staff exceedingly professional.

Moon rise.

It was simply the quality of the rooms -- or at least the pretensions the rooms had and failed to live up to -- that was left wanting. We would have been happy to forsake with frills to have better quality, but very basic rooms given the natural surrounds. Who needs air-con right by the beach? The lack of maintenance just gave everything an air of tiredness that was vaguely unsettling and depressing. Perhaps we wouldn't have been so disappointed if the resort blurb had mentioned something about it being set for a major refurbishment.

Take that, Kuta.

But the quibbles aside, it was at times a magical place. Wandering down to the beach at early morning looking at the rustic pier with the towering Balinese landscape as a backdrop was breathtaking. Having wild black tailed macaques leaping overhead as we strolled back from the water was a crowd pleaser, and cycling through the almost African savanna-style landscape, dotted with non-barking barking deer, was memorable.

But next time, I'd save my money by staying in Pemuteran. From there I'd do a day trip to explore the national park (both trekking and cycling is available from there) and I'd give the Waka a wave as I sailed past on a far more affordable trip to Menjangan.

Not deterred? You can read more about Waka Shorea on Agoda.com or on their own website -- though when they call themselves Bali's "newest boutique resort" you may take into account the above.

This isn't a piece about seeing all the sights around Ubud at a cracking pace, but rather about suggesting some tips on doing what one can really do best in Ubud: chill out, eat, relax, eat, take it easy, eat, hang out... eat -- you get the picture.

No sights. Just treats. Just this one day.

Check into your hotel -- see our recommendation below, or choose from our overall picks here -- in the late afternoon, and make a stop somewhere like Three Monkeys for a drink as you ease into the vibe of Ubud.

Chill, man.

Then head over to the Yoga Barn, a 20-minute walk away on Jalan Hanoman, for a sunset session of Iyengar-inspired restorative yoga. The frogs and crickets and other insects will come out to perform a fantastic orchestra as a few dozen yogis lay around in various positions of repose, eyes closed and breaths deep and energising; this is a great way to sort of sink into Ubud's embrace. (I've covered the session in more detail here.) A drop-in class is 110,000 rupiah.

Shhh!

Jump into a transport car as soon as you're back on the street and head up to Spa Hati for a late massage session. This spa is a little out of the way but go on, make the effort in the name of a good cause. The cute outdoor massage room, with sliding doors and surrounds for privacy, is something a little special in this price range -- a one-hour "blissful dream" massage is 165,00 rupiah -- this compares to say US$69 dollars for a one-hour Balinese massage at the much more upmarket Maya Ubud spa.

The next morning, have your hotel breakfast, but if you take our suggestion on where to stay you may want to head out instead -- Tutmak does super coffee and great breakfasts too.

Protein and coffee and you're ready for yoga... in a bit.

Get in early and you won't have too full a stomach for a session of yoga at Taksu, a short walk away. Check the schedule -- there aren't as many classes as at the Yoga Barn -- the Barn's schedule is here -- but you'll likely find something that fits and the little oasis of a spot is worth making a detour for while you're on your relaxation retreat.

Taksu also offers an array of alternative therapies and massage treatments -- you could do worse than hanging around for a few hours in their spa.

Zen magic.

Meandering back along Dewi Sita, a top good-for-you spot is Soma, where a range of delicious juices are on offer with raw treats and meals as well.

Treats that are good for you, of course.

Juiced up, if you haven't had a Taksu session, stop at one of the two Reflexology Bali spots on the same road. A one-hour foot, hand, back and shoulder massage costs 110,000 rupiah -- again, to compare, you're looking at 425,000 rupiah for a one-hour session of reflexology at the spa at Alila Ubud. Simply but tastefully decorated, an hour getting your foot knots worked out here will prepare you for a spot of window shopping.

Put your feet up. But not as high as the sign.

From Jalan Dewi Sita, loop around Jalan Monkey Forest, Raya Ubud, and back down Jalan Hanoman to window shop your way past some of Ubud's retail offerings. We've already written a piece on shopping in Ubud -- while a lot is still relevant, we were amazed how many new places had popped up since our last visit this time around.

Oooh, shiny!

By the time you get to Hanoman it'll be time for lunch -- look no further than Clear Cafe for an amazing, your-body-is-a-temple meal. And they have takeaway biscuits. If you're keen on trying Balinese food though, stop at Ibu Oka's, close to the junction between Monkey Forest and Raya Ubud.

Did we mention this is all about treats?

For your afternoon hedonistic splurge, book into the small and basic but decent Sang Spa 3 on Monkey Forest. In terms of facilities, this spot makes an effort, but it's at the budget end of the spectrum. The massage I had here -- my first-ever four-hand treatment -- was superb and professionally done. The one-hour "good karma" massage was 220,000 rupiah -- a four-hand massage at the Four Seasons Sayan? 75 minutes is 1,650,000 rupiah.

Be warned: I was hit by a motorbike going down one-way Jalan Monkey Forest the wrong way on my way here, so do keep your wits about you.

A simple spa, a simple state of mind.

Ubud is your oyster when it comes to dinner -- you could undo all your good work with a few martinis at Naughty Nuri's, but if you want to stay on track, a meal at Kafe would do the trick -- they're open until 23:00 daily.

Where to stay?

We have already recommended Ubud Lestari as a great, family-friendly place to stay but if you're on your own little retreat, it also works perfectly. It's spotlessly clean, tasteful, central, spacious, has a pool and paddy views, and you won't see too many other people as there are only a handful of rooms. The only hiccup here is getting a booking, as the staff, though friendly, don't speak great over-the-phone English.

Wishing for seven days...

I actually began my stay at Merthayasa Bungalows, also on Monkey Forest Road, as Ubud Lestari said they had no rooms when I called ahead. But when I dropped by they did; I didn't hesitate to forfeit almost a night's payment to move, as when I had pointed out the table in the room at Merthayasa as being dirty, the staff member simply brushed the pile of plastic tags and knots of human hair onto the floor. Nice! Expect to pay 350,000 for a fan-cooled room (air-con optional 50,000 extra) at Ubud Lestari.

Happy hedonistic relaxing!

Tags: Taksu, ubud lestari, Yoga Barn

Having covered a few yoga studios in Sanur, it's time to have a squizz at the Seminyak and Canggu areas of Bali.

Bend and stretch, reach for the stars...

Top of the list for a drop-in class while you're holidaying in this area of Bali has to be stunning, back-to-nature Desa Seni, with its open-air, alang-alang roofed Tri Murti studio. This is a lovely, tranquil spot, looking out onto beautiful flower-filled gardens and surrounded by a fish pond and paddy streams.

The schedule is comprehensive and ever-changing, so you're bound to find a style, time and teacher suited to where you're at with your practice, whether that be a completely beginner level or something more advanced. They have occasional intensive retreats as well, so if you're planning a trip check out their site or drop them a line and ask.

Mats, cushions, other props and drinking water is supplied as part of the 120,000 rupiah drop-in price, so you really just have to show up. Stop at the small restaurant afterwards to enjoy some of their great food, much of which comes from their own gardens. Our only complaint here? They used to have kids' classes -- we wish they would bring them back!

Take a chill pill.

Jiwa Yoga and Dance focuses on hot yoga classes, which can be a bit of a shock to the system if you've never done yoga before -- and even if you have, the heat can be something you'll either love or hate. It's not for everyone, though I have recently become a convert and urge you to try! I did give myself a knee injury at the Sanur hot yoga class this week by pushing too hard, so be warned: if you're not sure, don't do it -- the heat can make you think you're invincible as you'll stretch further than you've ever stretched before.

You think it's hot outside.

The mirrored Jiwa studio is lovely, with white-washed touches and an intricate Balinese wooden door dominating the decor. Price is 155,000 rupiah per session (their website has a price list, with a drop-in listed at 145,000 rupiah, but there's a warning that prices have gone up, rather than just the list of the new prices...) Classes are most mornings and evenings, but do check the schedule for the latest times ahead of your visit. Make sure you buy a bottle or two of water to take in, but a towel and locker is included in the price (you may want to bring an extra towel as you'll sweat into the one they give you). And there are showers -- trust me, you'll need one afterwards.

Finally, Prana Spa has a small attached yoga studio. I have inspected the enclosed studio but not yet done one of their 90-minute classes, which are held once in the morning (Hatha flow) and evening (Sivananda) Monday through Friday, with an additional class on Saturday at 10:30am. Cost is 70,000 rupiah. BYO towel. The spa here is way over the top and not quite to my taste, but if you're after an indulgent Bali experience, consider booking in for a massage after your class -- it will be memorable, at the least, simply because of the imaginative, colourful, Morrocan-inspired surrounds.

Desa Seni
Jalan Subak Sari 13, Berawa.
T: (0361) 844 6392
www.desaseni.com/schedule.htm

Jiwa Yoga Bali
Jalan Petitenget 78, Seminyak
T: (0361) 841 3689
http://www.jiwayogaanddance.com/schedule-and-price.php

Prana Yoga at The Villas
Opposite Bali Deli, Jalan Kunti, Seminyak
T: 0815 5800 0558

http://www.thevillas.net/yoga.htm

Fluff alert! Yes, this is just about getting your nails or your toes done while you're on holiday in Seminyak. For something more highbrow, please see here, or here, or here. Still with me? Okay, if you're preparing to bare your feet for the first time in a while -- at say a nearby Seminyak beach bar -- you'll want a proper pedicure. As for manicures, I rarely get them in real life as they last not 60 seconds once I'm out the salon's door, but if you're on holidays you won't be cooking or cleaning right? A nice nail job might last a day or two...

Perhaps a colour for each finger?

You can basically go street or salon standard in Bali. Around Seminyak, a street-level joint will set you back about 50,000 rupiah for a manicure, a little more for a pedicure. You'll double this to head to a salon or spa with Western standards -- it's quite a jump, but with it you do get a better quality job and better experience, which isn't to say some street level spots aren't perfectly adequate.

Here are three of the better spots in Seminyak -- certainly, there are others, but these three have good reputations -- where what you'll pay is still cheap compared to the West, even if on the pricey side for Bali (of course, still favourably priced compared to what you'll pay at a five-star hotel or resort.)

Bodyworks

There you go.

This Bodyworks is completely unrelated to the one in Ubud. It's been around for more than 15 years though and is certainly something of an institution among the Seminyak set -- they do a range of massage, facials, waxing and, unusually, have an infrared sauna (cheapest per person if you go with a few friends).

A manicure or pedicure here takes place in the room below, which looks out into a leafy courtyard on one side and the quiet side road it's located on on the other. Price is 111,000 rupiah, tax inclusive, and do tip if you're happy.

Did someone say sparkly glamour?

I had a very decent mani here without colour (see above about chipping -- I'm not on holidays!) and the price was knocked down to 96,000 rupiah. Friendly, efficient and competent staff made ducking in here a pleasure. Do book ahead as they get very busy, particularly in high season.

Glo Day Spa

Get ready for glo-rious.

Australian-run Glo Day Spa has been such a hit in Seminyak they've now got a second branch in Sanur. It really is about pampering here, with free WiFi, a drinks menu, foreign magazines and little optional extras like, say, a 15-minute foot massage added on to your treatment if you like. They offer the full gamut of salon services -- waxing, spray tanning, lash extensions, microdermabrasion and a range of facials are among the vast choice.

I had a pedicure here -- I confess to being a regular at Sanur -- and it was top notch. Chairs are placed so you get maximum privacy in a communal space, and there's no cutting corners on the quality of products used -- their colour always lasts for weeks on end. It will cost you: 175,000 rupiah for a 45-minute pedicure, inclusive of tax but not service, which is at your discretion. (Disclosure: A Mum friend owns Glo.)

Amo Spa

Make mine ruby red!

Run by a former New York-born model (disclosure: another Mum friend), Amo Spa is the newest kid on the block mentioned here and offers a briefer menu than the others, but still covers all the basics, such as scrubs, massages and facials.

It oozes tasteful style, a blend of Bali meets New York, really, with good design touches such as sinks right at your feet for pedicures. I had a competent manicure here, which included a choice of scented oils for an arm/hand massage -- nice touch. A 45-minute manicure is priced at 90,000 rupiah, plus 10% tax and 5% service, the cheapest of this selection of Seminyak's higher-end places, but without any sacrifice on the service front.

Bodyworks: Jalan Kayu Jati No. 2, Petitenget, Seminyak. T: (0361) 733 317.
Glo Day Spa: Kunti Plaza, Jalan Kunti #119, Seminyak. T: (0361) 738 689.
Amo Spa: Jalan Petitenget 100x, Seminyak. T: (0361) 275 3337.

Tags: bodyworks seminyak, Bodyworks Ubud, manicures, pedicures

Let's be honest: attending a writers festival is hard work, and the Ubud Writers and Readers Festival is no different. If you're not pouring over your schedule trying to juggle your panels with your lunches, you're busy actually attending a session, sitting in a possibly plastic chair for hours on end, listening, pondering, asking questions, thinking... You deserve a break after all that, right?

Step inside...

Enter: escaping to an Ubud spa for an hour or two, either -- scandalous -- during the festival or in the days leading up to it or afterwards.

Two of our favourite budget spots are Bodyworks and Spa Hati. You can certainly go cheaper than these two -- during my most recent visit to Ubud I passed a streetfront "spa" offering an hour-long full body massage for 40,000 rupiah, a foot massage for 30,000 or a cut and shampoo for 20,000. And you can certainly bust out the plastic for real indulgence at somewhere like L'Occitane's Mango Tree (which is stunning, but a real splurge). The former two, we reckon, are a happy medium: affordable but good.

Frangipanis soothe the eyes, roosters rock the ears.

Bodyworks has been around since 1987 (and is unrelated to Bodyworks in Seminyak). It's a bit of a healing centre -- people with ailments can go directly to Ketut Arsana, the founder, for a proper treatment, but you can also just go because you need a bit of a treat.

The centre is set in a traditional Balinese family compound, filled with various treatment rooms, and other little spots, like an open-air bale with a few gamelan instruments set up, lending an authentic, old-school feel to the place. No air-con, no fuss, and no frills, other than a frangipani or two on the treatment bed and some simple unobtrusive music, accompanied by a few roosters crowing in the distance and the reassuring grunts of someone else getting massaged on the other side of the rattan-like wall.

Looking into the Bodyworks compound, from the third-level treatment area.

On our most recent visit we had a one-hour deep tissue massage in one of the third-level rooms, which was priced at 175,000 rupiah plus 10% tax). While we were expecting just a one-size-fits-all rub down, it was a really thoughtful, intense massage by a therapist who really knew her stuff -- a completely different experience from some others that charge a lot more, I might add. It was a unique style, with some focus both around the butt/hips and the area where the shoulder blades meet the rib cage -- I loved it and the therapist really worked out some tough spots. Some oil is used -- you make your selection from scents such as sandalwood, jasmine and lavender, and while the quality isn't top shelf, it's not cloying, as cheap oils can sometimes be.

The menu is on their website, but you'll have to call to check the latest prices.

You think you're shy?!

Our second favourite is Spa Hati, which is a bit of a hike away from Ubud's main area -- maybe a kilometre or so from the market, but it's not too pleasant in the heat so you might want to use transport to get here (and arrange for a pick-up).

Spa Hati is a commercial enterprise, but it operates within the Hati Foundation -- profits are ploughed back into the foundation, which aims to improve the quality of life of the Balinese by providing education and employment-related courses, among a slew of other worthy work that you can read about here. I know, it means a guilt-free treatment for you! Does it get any better?

Zen amid the paddies.

On our most recent mission here we had the hour-long "ancient rituals facial" (155,000 rupiah). Though the bulk of the treatment rooms are in a longhouse-style pretty cement building, the facial was done in the pretty Zen-like standalone room above, looking out into a green area. The treatment included a thorough facial, finished off with a cool fresh cucumber mask, as well as a very good oil shoulder and arm massage.

Only half-close your eyes, or you'll miss the grassy green view.

There's a whole range of packages on offer (check their website), with the manicures and pedicures done in a pretty little pavilion that opens out on to paddy in the distance.

It's crucial to book both places in advance -- they are popular, and with good reason -- but just ask your hotel to do it for you, both spas are pretty well known.

Ubud Bodyworks Centre
25 Hanoman Street, Padang Tegal, Ubud
T: (0361) 975 720 / 971 393
www.ubudbodyworkscentre.com
info@ubudbodyworkscentre.com

Spa Hati
Jalan Raya Andong 14, Ubud
T: (0361)977 578
www.spahati.com
spahati@balihati.org

Tags: Bodyworks Ubud, facials, manicures, massage, pedicures, Spa Hati, spas

Having had a splurge dinner on Nusa Lembongan, what better way to follow up than a splurge spa visit? Batu Karang Lembongan Resort and Day Spa is one of the island's higher-end spots to stay or to go for a massage, so expectations for a visit here were high. I called in advance and couldn't get in the same day; a good sign, I thought, as I booked for the following day instead.

The discreet entrance.

"Do you have a booking?" the woman behind the resort's reception desk asked sharply when I told her I was looking for the day spa. Hello to you too!

"Where are you staying?" she interrogated. Call me sensitive, but I'd rather someone asked my name in order to identify me, but hey, maybe it is much simpler than spelling out the more complicated foreign names.

A much friendlier staff member escorted me to the golf buggy that whisks guests around at the 23-room resort clinging to a steep hillface. The views of Mount Agung and the east coast of Bali from around the resort are breathtaking. I couldn't see a room as they were full due to a wedding being held nearby.

In I scooted to the spa, an oasis of green velour, incense and hushed silence. The "welcome drink" advertised in the brochures and described as a "cleansing tea" in the main menu at the spa turned out to be "chilled water". And the "soothing foot bath" involved putting my feet into a "too-small-for-Western-feet tub filled with cold water" for a quick dip. Hmmm. So far, not so good.

My friendly-enough therapist directed me to the change-room, told me to pop my bag into the locker, put on disposable knickers and sarong, and meet her outside. The quality of the facilities here are solid: small but spotlessly clean toilet and rainfall shower with shampoo, conditioner and soap in Krisbow dispensers (when will spas learn to get the brand labels off stuff?), brushes and combs, hair dryer and lotion for later.

Spa bathroom, with frangipani frills.

And ditto for the massage room: a good massage table had a soft head rest to use while facing down, peering down into a bowl festooned with frangipani, tiny red flowers and green leaves. Downlighting set the mood pleasantly, and the piped music was a mix of gamelan, sitar and spa-hippy-dippy stuff. Unfortunately though, once inside the room you wouldn't know where in the world you were, let alone the fact that a fantastic view is right outside. (Perhaps the spa just looks directly onto guest rooms, in which case: what bad design!) The curtains -- pretty organza-like things that they were -- block out any view at all.

As I eased onto the table, the therapist explained I'd have a massage for an hour, then my Balinese lulur scrub. And the treatment would begin and end with a "gong", a kind of small xylophone that she whacked a couple of times in a, shall we say, less than spiritual way.

The massage was far better than a beach massage, but nowhere near as lovely as a Jari Menari one. It was a touch pokey, a touch desultory -- the therapist just wasn't really into it. Having said that, I did get lulled into such a relaxed state I drifted off pleasantly. Massage over, the therapist asked whether everything was okay. The room temperature had actually dropped to sub-arctic, so I asked for the temperature to be turned up. Then the therapist slapped on the scrub cream, which had of course frozen to the temperature of the room. Ah, the sweet revenge of bored therapists.

The cream was left to dry before being sloughed off. No demure towel was laid over breast when I rolled onto my back, though the therapist did check whether I wanted my stomach done. So don't be shy!

Still only semi-defrosted, I looked forward, kind of desperately, to the piping hot shower to come. Alas, scrubbed, sloughed, smoothed and finally sent back to the bathroom, the shower could only generously be described as lukewarm. It's one way of getting the punters out of there quicksmart, I suppose.

"How was that hot water?" the therapist asked as I got back onto the table, ready for the final moisturising treatment. "Um, well, it wasn't hot. It was a bit cold, actually," I told her. "Yes!" she giggled and agreed.

As the treatment drew to a close, the therapist whacked the xylophone perfunctorily again then informed me it was over. She asked me, a little impatiently, whether I wanted tea. Why not just bring it? Why make me feel like I'm imposing? I said no, anyway. "Will you pay cash or credit?" Jeez Louise, I wasn't even off the massage bed.

Back at the spa reception I was handed a bill and told to pay down at the main reception -- a golf buggy would come to collect me. I glanced at the bill, which had a big space for TIP, though the full menu explicitly asks you to not tip your therapist (there's a 21% tax and service charge, plus another surcharge tacked on for paying by credit). The grand total: 598,000 rupiah (listed price, 480,000 rupiah). Still cheap, certainly, by international standards and compared to flash hotels on Bali. Just by comparison: Jari Menari doesn't offer a scrub, but their thoughtful massages are 300,000 for 75 minutes.

So in summary: if you're not on a tight budget and not expecting five-star polish but want something better than a beach massage, you might enjoy a treatment here. If you're watching your money however and hoping for something special, I'd suggest perhaps passing here and waiting till you are back in Bali for a splurge elsewhere. (And if you can't afford that splurge meal either -- just as fantastic in its own way is Warung Bamboo.)

Batu Karang Lembongan Resort and Day Spa
T: (0366) 559 6376
www.batukaranglembongan.com

Tags: scrub

There was a stuff up the other day when I headed to Fivelements outside Ubud for what was supposed to be a very special treat for myself and my four-year-old daughter: a spa treatment, an afternoon tea and a puppet show. The show was cancelled, but I didn't see the email they sent me; I returned their missed call, but their assistant had no idea that I had no idea she was trying to tell me it was cancelled -- I thought she was confirming. It was a tedious comedy of errors...

Where is everyone?!

... and so it was we turned up ... to an empty venue. We thought it was awfully quiet as we waited in the serene raw food restaurant for our appointed time. But we were ushered into the gorgeous treatment room as if everything was normal, only to be told as we were preparing for our foot massage and face refresher that it was off. It was a bit late for us to turn around and drive the 45 minutes back to Sanur, so I was a bit grumpy but we went ahead with that portion of the afternoon anyway.

I'm not sure this was enough to subdue my stinky feet.

My treatment was 45 minutes of foot reflexology. A foot rub isn't the sort of thing I would usually go somewhere flash for, but the special afternoon event had only a couple of choices and this was the most appealing. It started with a floral foot wash that occurred with my daughter stuck to my side, refusing to climb onto her massage table. We then both ended up squeezing onto mine, which was no trouble for the obliging staff to deal with. Then my blissful session began.

And it was a really great treatment, in fabulous natural surrounds, perched right on a gurgling stream. Kinks were unkinked and apparently I have a stomach problem; I think that the problem might be I eat too much.

Meanwhile my daughter was busy not moving an inch next to me. I'm not one for getting little girls pedicures or manicures, or even going to spas, but as a package the afternoon did sound sublime. So I somewhat guiltily chose for her a "face refresher", a completely natural affair: honey, cucumber, coconut cream and aloe vera.

Bali's indigenous frangipani-wielding cucumber monster.

Did she enjoy it? Yes, I think so. And I certainly enjoyed the 45 minutes of  silence with her. The session was followed up with hot ginger tea infused with pandan and sweetened with honey; the staff thoughtfully brought my daughter some cool water as well in case she didn't like the tea.

The cost for the full event should have been 350,000++ rupiah for me and 190,000++ for her. They knocked this price down a little.

You might want to check their website to see their full list of various healing treatments on offer -- I'd say something that involves this bath might work for me next time.

Shame there's no champagne...

Tags: facial, Fivelements, foot massage, healing, retreat

I know that you can easily get a 40,000 rupiah foot massage pretty much at any run-of-the-mill massage place in pretty much any town in Bali. But when you're after something special -- say a one-off treat during a one-week stay in Seminyak -- then you might want to consider going a touch upmarket.

What's that? You are staying in Seminyak and you do want a good foot massage? Well, phew -- I've checked out three spots that go the extra mile with your tootsies.

Muted lighting: they can't see the state of your toenails.

First up is Fabulously Feet on Sunset Road. The dedicated building isn't in the greatest of locations, and it's probably not a spot you'd walk to in the tropical heat, but it's just a short taxi ride away from most hotels in Seminyak.*

The setting is lovely. The initial foot washing area is cute, with a silver watering can used to fill the tub that will soak your feet, facing an enticing array of look-after-your-feet products for sale.

Fact: Water from a watering can makes your toenails grow more quickly.

After the dusty footpath-less streets of Seminyak have been washed off your feet, you'll tread along a path that includes smooth pebbles and rough rope that reminds you of the sensations your feet are capable of feeling.

And at the end of the path: lollies! For 5,000 rupiah, you'll get a small mug of mints, ginger chews and lollypops -- you choose what you're in the mood for. I have to say, it's a great idea in theory but I kind of felt like a pig eating on top of getting a rubdown.

They said they look after your feet, not your teeth.

Next it's off to your chair and you'll get an iPod with a range of different genres of music to choose from. I highly recommend the '80s compilation: how can you go wrong with some Spandau Ballet? Unlike with the lollies, your therapist has no idea what your weakness is.

No, you're not in Hoi An.

About a dozen comfy chairs are spread facing opposite each other under a roof packed with vibrantly coloured Chinese lanterns. It's a touch on the cosy side, but this would make it perfect for a night out with the gang you have staying with you at your villa. And even if other people you don't know there, you'll have your iPod buds in, plus a lovely eye mask (available for sale -- astute marketing, guys) to drown out everything going on.

And the massage itself? Feet only, top marks. As I warned you, you pay for it: 200,000 rupiah. (A still-running special throws in a foot mask as well, which adds another half hour on to the treatment -- I didn't have time for it.)*

Next up: I trialled out Espace, an enticing look spot from Raya Basangkasa.

Statistics show you spend more when relaxed.

Unlike Fabulously Feet, this is a general massage, salon-y spot, but with spa touches: a lovely iced tea on arrival, for instance. It's done out tastefully, though not quite as luxuriously as the other two spots (one more to come).

Here's the catch at Espace: You have to lie down all the way on a reclining chair, so you are forced to not juggle your laptop, your phone, your diary and your whatever while you're getting your rub. Then you get flipped over half way through while they focus on the back of your feet.

You must relax.

Frankly, I like the option of either sticking on an eye pad or being able to keep working. Otherwise I'd just get a body massage. But it might be the right push to relax for others.

And the massage was truly top notch. Price: 175,000 rupiah.

Chill is the younger (well, cheaper) sister to Prana Spa -- I am not a fan of the Indian/Middle Eastern-inspired Prana simply because it's truly over the top in design, with prices to match. Chill, however, hits the spot perfectly -- it's very well priced for the simple but beautiful surrounds and super massage, plus its great location near Bali Deli.

Did someone say simple and sleek?

As at Espace, you're not really going to want to pull out anything to work here. The lights are muted, you're cocooned with towels and blankets and you'll just want to put your head back and drift off to their iPod music (which is chosen for you: it's chill-out, did you have to ask?)

But before you close your eyes have a peek at how the rectangular room is designed: chairs are each at an angle facing outside walls, with organza curtains adding just a pleasant suggestion of privacy. Each station is set on bleached wooden shelves set at angles that cleverly break up the otherwise straight lines of the room. (It was too dark for a picture without a flash so no pic I'm afraid.)

And the massage? From the marble foot-wash station through to the massage -- which focuses on the feet but then includes arms, back and briefly head -- it's exemplary. Price: 181,500 rupiah.

They do have an offer for groups that includes a glass of wine, but for groups I'd head to Fabulously Feet. For a solo indulgence, I'd go Chill. If I was shopping on Basangkasa and wanted a break that didn't involve coffee, I'd definitely consider Espace, but the other two are probably better value for money.

Fabulously Feet
Sunset Rd 888, Seminyak
T: (0361) 847 5764
Bypass Ngurah Rai 280B, Sanur, Bali (about 500m south and opposite McDonalds)
T: (0361) 283 937
fabulouslyfeet.com
Open daily, 10:00-22:00

Espace
Jalan Raya Basangkasa No. 3B, Seminyak
T: (0361) 730 828
espacespabali.com
Open daily, 09:00-21:00

Chill
Jalan Kunti 118X, Seminyak
T: (0361) 734 701
thevillas.net
Open daily, 10:00-22:00

* Fabulously Feet has shuttered its Seminyak premises but sprung up in Sanur last month. It's the same package, with the same prices, though there's currently a 20% off opening special -- meaning an hour's foot massage with all the trimmings is 160,000 rupiah -- a lot compared to the competition.

The new location is slightly smaller and is in an older building, with the move forced when the their Seminyak contract ran out and the rent went up. It's a shame as the original was so beautifully put together, but the Sanur effort is lovely too with the same friendly staff, though perhaps the trimmings are not quite as polished (no quotes in the loos, for instance, though the lollies and lanterns are still there). I do wonder whether the market in Sanur will want to pay the prices they're charging, but if you're after something a bit different with some extra effort put into a foot massage experience on this bit of the coast, and you're not on too tight a budget, then this will fit the bill.

If you're new to Travelfish.org, you may assume the above is advertorial twaddle. It isn't. We pay our own way, every single time and have done so since Travelfish.org kicked off back in 2004. Travelfish.org writers do not take freebies. Ever.

Tags: feet

Jari Menari, with two branches in Seminyak and Nusa Dua, is one of our top picks for massage in Bali. The all-male therapists are truly well trained, so you actually feel like you're getting a massage for your particular knots and aches and pains and anatomy, not just a one-size-fits-all rubdown; the style of their rooms is very minimalist and Zen-like, with water features and fish ponds.

Better yet, if you're travelling with kids: another reason to get chilled out at Jari Menari is that they'll give your rugrat a massage while you chill out and get yours. It's a novel idea for Bali, and no one else I'm aware of on the island does it (please correct me if I'm wrong in the comments!).

The entrance to Jari Menari

If you're staying in the luxury enclave of Nusa Dua, don't pay through the nose for a spa treatment and babysitting when you could just duck out to their very new premises there; if you're in Seminyak and you're travelling with a kid under three, trust me: this is one of the only things you can do aside from hanging out at the beach and getting sunburned, wrecking havoc in a cafe or going wild at Waterbom.

With some reservations -- mainly that my Mr 2 would simply refuse to lie down and it wouldn't work at all -- I tried a session the other day in Seminyak. Once a week we have a morning together after dropping Ms 4 at school, so believe me I have hunted high and low for activities we might do. As it turns out, this one is a keeper.

Draped in a provided-for sarong, Mr 2 looked at me rather intently and with some concern as I put him on the massage table in the sun-dappled room. That's when things most definitely could have gone either way; but I lay down on my table, and his practitioner distracted him with a few soft toys and balls waiting for him on his table. He wriggled down into position, copying me. And we were off! I intermittently lifted my head to see whether he was getting restless but he didn't move an inch.

Inside Jari Menari

While my massage was for 75 minutes (300,000 rupiah, plus 10% tax) Mr 2's was for just 45 minutes (250,000, plus 10%), so there was obviously going to be a slightly problematic gap. The practitioner however, would occupy him with the toys, or by feeding the fish, so I didn't have to be interrupted, I was assured.

Alas, at about 40 minutes I looked over and ... drum roll ... he was sound asleep. And stayed that way for the rest of my blissful massage. Someone kept an eye on him while I got changed, then I returned to collect him, awake and happily playing, and we were on with our day.

A little pricier than your average street-level spa, it's true; but for the quality massage, facilities and the fact that you can actually get a massage at the same time as your child, it's worth it. And hey, if you're American, it's going to cost something like $222,000 to raise your child to 18 anyway, so it's small change!

Only one question really, Jari Menari: Do you deliver? Nightly, say 19:00?

Jari Menari
Both outlets open daily, 09:00-21:00
Jalan Pratama, Nusa Dua (nearly opposite the Conrad)
T: (0361) 778 084
Jalan Raya Basangkasa #47, Seminyak
T: (0361) 736 740

Hardy's supermarket in Sanur is one of the few places in Bali I despise. I am driven crazy by how often the prices on their shelves are not actually for the products in front of them, their unapologetic staff, their habit of giving lollies instead of proper change and...

Well, I digress. One place is worth stopping at if you're in the vicinity of the Hardy's complex and suffering tired feet: AB Foot Massage, to the left as you come through the shoddy security at the entrance, past Periplus, an optometrist and a dress shop.

The shop has recently relocated to the second floor -- its contract ran out on the ground floor and presumably the lovely landlords jacked up the price. Just catch the lift straight up and turn left as you exit, it's a way along to your right.

The new, upstairs, location of AB Foot Massage

AB does one-hour foot massages for 40,000 rupiah (also body massages), and they are among the best we've had on the island. No silly soulless sticks are used; it's all about finding your aching knotted bits, and bar one average massage here from a masseuse who just wasn't into it, I've consistently had a positive experience from therapists who somehow manage to find knots in the oddest of places. Who would have thought it could ever feel so good to have your big toe *really* massaged properly?

But aside from the glass of water you get on arrival, the frills at AB are pretty much non-existent. The place always seems to stink of stale cigarette smoke, the decor is tatty and aged, and the magazines possibly date from the early 1980s, if you can find one at all. Current construction next door means it can be a bit noisy as well.

Oh but wait -- another plus is free WiFi, so you can actually work or catch up on Twitter while being re-energized. So I often drop in here when I have work to do instead of sitting at say Cafe Batujimbar across the road, where they charge an arm and a leg for internet access. If you're feeling particularly indulgent, grab a takeaway coffee from Batujimbar before you settle in for your massage.

If you need a loo, either stop at Batujimbar or there's a very dirty but working one behind the ATMs at the entrance to the car park.

Just to be clear: This isn't a spot to travel across the island for, but if you're staying in Sanur and need to get supplies from Hardy's, factor in an hour-long stop here. They also do body massage, but I've found them to be far more variable in quality than their foot reflexology.